Thursday, September 8, 2011

Gone.

The door swung open; his sister had returned. “Confirmed John, they booked the flight over a week ago, bastards”.

“I’m glad they have gone far away sis; what could we say to them”?

“What sort of bastards are you for starters”.

“I don’t feel angry, just a numbness”.

“I have anger, lots of it.

“To think I thought he was doing me a favour; keeping her company when I worked late. How naive, I thought I was putting him out”.

“Such a fucking mess John, what a scheming bitch”.

“I should have known it was too good to be true; why would a girl like her want me”?

“What! She is not fit to crawl in your shit; she doesn’t deserve to be on the same planet as you”.

“Not so loud sis mum will hear”

“Doctor gave her a sedative; he said she will sleep for a while”.

“I worshipped her; I don’t know what I could have done different”.

“Don’t you dare feel any guilt John; everything happened behind your back”,

“What was it dad used to say: ‘Always expect the unexpected’.

“He often said that, I wish he was here now; and not with your effing girlfriend”.

14 comments:

AveryMarsh said...

At first I was thinking how lucky he was to have family with him during such a tough time then... BAM! What a twist ending, wonderfully delivered.

MISH said...

This is wonderful ! The entire story in dialogue ... great tone , pacing & characterisation all included in this neat package ! I really like this !
My entry at no.#59

Roy Station said...

Thank you Avery and Mish for your comments. I hope to read a lot of entries.

bridget said...

That would be such a stunner. Well done. Mine is #72

The Golden Eagle said...

The end . . . wow. That was a surprise all right.

Ana Hart said...

Lovely twist there at the end!

Damyanti said...

quite a twist at the end :)

Would like to invite you to The Rule of Three Blogfest ---a month-long shared-world fiction extravaganza in October with some great prizes, and of course, a lot of exposure for your writing. Check it out :)

D.J. Kirkby said...

So clever to have written this as all dialogue, great twist.

Damyanti said...

Also, dropping by to tell you you've been shortlisted as one of the top 5 to move on to stage two. There will be a semi-final (stage three) and a final (stage four). Congratulations!

Roy Station said...

Thanks so much for reading and the comments; bridget,The Golden Eagle,Ana Hart,Damyanti and D.J.Kirby. I really appreciate it.

Claire said...

Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting. Glad to visit yours as this was great - the end twist was totally unexpected. Fab :)

N.Scott said...

Why would you ask your Dad to keep your girlfriend company? Wouldn't you ask your mom?

Interesting premise. You do dialogue well.

Roy Station said...

N.Scott. Sedative says it all, She has not been well for a while. John knew his dad would know how to take care of her.

Amanda Milner said...

Oh wow! Quite the disturbing twist! No wonder the sis was so pissed, the guy was stunned and the mom sedated. 0.o Fun dialog! :)